‘Sup ladies! It’s me, Jimmy!

When I was a just a young lad growing up deep in the heart of Texas my mom would buy these 24 packs of danishes from the Auchan Hypermarket, which from my memory was like a European-y Costco. Granted I have sustained quite a few serious head injuries and more electrocutions than I care to/could remember since then, so I may be wrong. The place that she bought them from isn’t really integral to the story, so I’m just going to move it along here before I start ranting about how there should be more buy in bulk places in Australia…which there should be.

Just imagine a bag of 24 of the most delicious assorted fruit danishes you have ever had in your life. Crispy on the outside, soft and chewy on the inside, flavours like apple cinnamon, cherry and blueberry drizzled in streams of icing sugar icing and half of them have this soft and creamy cheese filling nestled in between the  fruit and pastry. Now image getting to have these fresh from the oven whenever you want for breakfast for 9 years, then you move overseas where they think a danish is a glazed apricot on a tombstone of store bought puff pastry. DISAPPOINTED!!!!!


So regular readers will know that last year Violet and I went to Europe for a work vacation and while we were staying in a little cottage on Lake Tittisee (heeheehee) in Germany they had a literal smorgasbord for breakfast! Violet and I aren’t what you would call early risers so when we got there at 10:30ish most of the food was gone but in one of the baskets there was one little solitary danish, waiting to be experienced. I quickly dove for the basket, elbowing one or two old ladies out of the way and claimed it as my own! Back at the table, my fingers trembled as I brought the pastry to my mouth and  then BAM! Memories of my childhood came rushing back to me! Being late for school, watching Angry Beavers Marathons with my little brother, opening presents on Christmas morning! Then, heartbreak, I realised that this was the last one and judging by the fact that they were cleaning up, they wouldn’t be bringing  out any more. I let Violet have a bite so she could taste what ambrosia tastes like, but she wasn’t impressed. I’m not going to lie, I thought about leaving her right then and there. We left Germany that day and went back to Switzerland where our breakfasts comprised mainly of cured meats, cheese and yoghurt.

And that brings us to today! Being driven mad by lack of sleep thanks to relentless nightmares of being just out of reach of sexy pastries I decided to take it upon my self to try and make my own! Also for some reason we had fruit in the house and it needed to be eaten before it spoilt.

You will need the following!

  • About 125-250g of cream cheese, depending on how cheesey you like your danishes
  • 2 tablespoons of sugar
  • 1 egg
  • 1tsp (or capfull) of vanilla extract
  • Splash of lemon juice (I used lime because I didn’t have lemon and figured citrus is citrus)
  • 1/2 tsp salt

It’s basically a runny version of a cheesecake mixture.

In a kitchen aid, cream together the cream cheese, salt and sugar.
It should look like this:
Then add the egg, lemon juice and vanilla extract and mix together.
Now prepare your fruit. I wanted two kinds of apples, sliced and diced and diced cherries.
For the diced apple, pop the wedges in a food processor.
Then add some brown sugar, white sugar, flour, lemon juice (I found half a lemon in the fridge, call me Mr. Lucky!) cinnamon and nutmeg to the sliced apple.
I made 4 different types because even if they tasted terrible they sure would look pretty! the photos should be fairly self-explanatory.
Now pipe the cheese mixture in to the centre of your store-bought puff pasty. Time for a mini rant! I see that in ‘merica you can buy all kinds of frozen pastry in all kinds of forms from all kinds of brands. One example that comes to mind is crescent dough which is freaking delicious but very time consuming to make. Here, we have NOTHING!!!! We have 6 sheets of puff pastry, 6 sheets of shortcrust pastry and sometimes pre-made frozen vol-au-vents. THAT’S BALLS!!!! Not only is the selection crap, it tastes like crap too! /rant
Now bake for about 20 minutes at 180ish centigrade! Professional, huh? I’m one of those people who sits in front of the over the whole time something is baking so I can keep an eye on things, so you know, check up on it every now and then.
Tadaa! To answer your question, no, they didn’t taste like home, but they did all get eaten! Mix some confectioners sugar with a little milk and pipe lines and swirls and maybe a giraffe fighting a t-rex on top to sweeten the pastry.  You can fancy them up a little more by brushing an egg wash onto the pastry before you pop them in the oven and if you do end up icing the giraffe-dino fight send me a photo because that sounds awesome.

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